.Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say.

hee hee... just came across these from another blog... thought these are funny..
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>>My tire was thumping.
>>I thought it was flat
>>When I looked at the tire...
>>I noticed your cat.
>>Sorry!
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>>Heard your wife left you,
>>How upset you must be.
>>But don't fret about it...
>>She moved in with me.
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>>Looking back over the years
>>that we've been together,
>>I can't help but wonder...
>>"What the hell was I thinking?"
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>>Congratulations on your wedding day!
>>Too bad no one likes your husband.
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>>How could two people as beautiful as you
>>Have such an ugly baby?
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>>I've always wanted to have
>>someone to hold,
>>someone to love.
>>After having met you .
>>I've changed my mind.
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>>I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
>>I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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>>As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
>>That you're not here to ruin it for me.
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>>Congratulations on your promotion.
>>Before you go...
>>Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
>>You'll probably need it again.
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>>Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
>>(Available in Tasmania, Northern Queensland and some parts of Western>Australia)
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>>Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
>>Almost Lifelike!
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>>When we were together,
>>you always said you'd die for me.
>>Now that we've broken up,
>>I think it' s time you kept your promise.
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>>We have been friends for a very long time ..
>>let's say we stop?
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>>I'm so miserable without you
>>it's almost like you're here.
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>>Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
>>Did you ever find out who the father was?
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>>Your friends and I wanted to do
>>something special for your birthday.
>>So we're having you put to sleep.
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>>So your daughter's a hooker,
>>and it spoiled your day.
>>Look at the bright side,
>>it's really good pay.